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Some of you may have been here before, but, for those who have not, you'll have a chance to see some of the stuff I'm studying. I submitted this blog to my professor for my Interpersonal Communications class.

Here's what it's all about: Men & Women Communicating - At work, school and everyday life

I chose to use Deborah Tannen’s book, Talking from 9 to 5 as my main source of inspiration for writing my blog. I took sections of the book and based my blog entries on her insight as well as my own. I also pulled examples from my own experiences and observations from my past work environments, school situations and everyday life.

Talking from 9 to 5 gives insight to the different conversation styles and nuances between men and women, specifically in the workplace. A main theme is the differing communication styles between men and women; how men converse in “report” talk (competitive, ensuring they are “one up”) and women with “rapport” talk (supportive, building community). Tannen observes and gives examples of many situations in organizations where the generalization of men and women’s styles are apparent. Through Tannen’s own research and others in linguistics and sociology, she points out that there are different communication styles; and understanding them will help one to communicate more effectively. She argues that to be successful, we must not embrace or disregard other styles, but rather, make an effort to understand and to learn from them.

Many of the situations Tannen describes ring true and I noticeded these patterns taking place within different situations in my life. As women working in the corporate world, it is important to be aware that by default we are considered less confident and competent, even though we are just as capable of getting the job done. If we are to behave more like men and speak in an assertive, dominating position, they view us as being aggressive and unfeminine.

My first post was quite academically oriented, detailed and long, however, after researching other blogs, and talking to friends, I realized that I needed to change my style to be more “blog” oriented. In attempt to get comments on my blog, I sent out the link to friends and family members, but had little success. I also perused other blogs with the subject of men and women, or relationships to see what other individuals were talking about. I posted a few comments on other’s sites and asked them to comment on mine, but also did not have any success here.

Before coming to Royal Roads University, I rarely participated in this type of electronic interpersonal culture. Blogging or web journaling is new to me as a way to glean information and find out about the going-ons of my friends or complete strangers lives. As a way to keep friends and family up-to-date with my life, I can see this as a practical means of communication.

Many blogs discuss intimate, personal details, while others are more surface-oriented and discuss day-to-day activities. I found one blog where a woman posted a letter that she was intending to give her divorced husband. She was willing to disclose to the World Wide Web that he had cheated on her and that was the reason for their marriage falling apart. For her, it was a way to vent and share her feelings, inviting others to comment on her situation. This new outlet of communication allows people to open up and share their life with strangers, as now society has no problem with people peering into their lives, just look at the reality TV shows such as Big Brother, Blind Date, YouTube, etc. This may be acceptable for some people, however, I’m not willing to put my life on display. If I’m going to keep my acquaintances abreast of my life, I will post knowing that anyone who has access to the internet can read about my journal.

Hope you enjoy reading.

Cheers,
nicole

Old school stereotypes

At my last workplace, I worked in the communications industry renting and selling satellite telephones, two-way radios, etc. The majority of our customers worked in the oil and gas field, thus I dealt with many older male customers. One situation I will always remember is when my credibility was questioned because I’m female. A man came in and started browsing around the store. Daryl, our service manager, and I were visible to him. He asked a few questions about two-way radios which Daryl fielded. After some probing, it was determined that he would need a satellite phone because the range on the radios wasn’t going to work for his backcountry needs.

Daryl then explained that it was best to talk to me, as I was knowledgeable about satellite phones that would best work in his situation. As the three of us stood in a semi-circle, the man proceed to ask only Daryl questions about the phone and Daryl would repeat, you need to talk to Sidney about this.

This man had it in his head that I wasn’t capable or well-informed about this technology since I was female. Even though Daryl told him that I knew what I was talking about, he still proceeded to ask him the questions. I would answer his queries, yet the cycle prevailed.

It was very frustrating for me and opened my eyes to gender stereotyping. I’m sure women who work in male dominated fields come across this type of label far too often, but fortunately for me, this is one of my few expereinces. These perceptions are generally held by older generations, when the wife would follow the traditional role and not work in influencing roles within a company.

In a study conducted by the Wellesley Center for Women, Ph.D. researchers Kramer, Konrad and Erkut found women’s influence in the business world showed the benefits of having women on a corporate board. While even one woman can make a positive contribution, having two women is generally an improvement, and corporations with three or more women on their boards tend to benefit the most from women’s contributions. By having women directors involved in the process, rather than an all male board, three positive results ensued; the decisions they made were broadened to include a wider range of stakeholders, they are more persistent in pursuing answers to difficult questions; and they often bring a more collaborative approach to leadership, which improves communication among all concerned parties.

Salutations & surnames

Normally the mail only brings bills and junk, but today was different; I received a Birthday and Christmas card! Interestingly, they were both addressed to me with the prefix of Ms., instead of Miss. Since I have never been married, I cannot be called Mrs., so the more liberal point of view is Ms., where it doesn’t disclose any information about my marital status. When filling out an application form for a job interview, I noticed that men only have one option – Mr., when three different options (Mrs., Miss and Ms.) exist for summing up the marital status of women. A man doesn’t have to disclose his marital status since nothing was asked.

Then there’s the issue of when you do get married, whether to change your last name. As more women become open-minded and conscious of the choice they have to keep their maiden name, they often are. This is not only about keeping one’s identity, but about breaking free from the traditional norms. By the time you decide to get married, you may have already spent 20 or 30 years being a Charles and to change that part of your identity is something that many women have chosen not to do. I have two friends who were married recently. One decided to keep her last name because she simply didn’t want to change it and identified herself with being a Barrie, whereas my other friend took her husbands out of tradition and becoming more of a unit or family by sharing the same last name. If I do get married, I will be keeping my last name, because not only it is a part of me, but also because my family has two girls and I don’t want the Charles legacy to end with me.

Interruptions everywhere

I always though of interrupting as a sign of disrespect to the person who is talking or an attempt to dominate, however, according to linguist Deborah Tannen, this is not always the case. It can be a sign of enthusiastic participations in the conversation, or creating connections. Women tend to interrupt more than men, often as a sign of support and encouragement. An imbalance between the two people would be if one person interrupts, or overlaps to show support, while the other takes the floor by expressing their opinions or switching topics.

A few weeks ago in class, we were discussing video games and the concept of virtual money. When it came to explaining the situation, Bob began to let us know how one could buy virtual money in order to improve the health of your video game character. As he did, Cynthia started to explain the situation as well. I first thought it was very rude of her to overlap what Bob was saying, but now I realize that she was just as excited about the gaming world and wanted to express her point of view.

Role reversal

I was in the library the other day and noticed this couple trying to find a place to sit and study. I was sitting on a couch, facing the other available couch that the guy wanted to move. “Let’s put it over here” and he pointed to the window where he wanted it to go. She questioned it, but then agreed and proceeded to push it over to the window with her foot. I don’t know if they guy had an injury that prevented him from helping her, but all he did was give direction. When it was about a foot away from the window, she decided this was a good place for the couch. Only then did he help and move the couch to where he wanted it to go. Normally, the man finds his role in fixing problems and lending a hand whenever possible. Is this a sign of the modern man and women bucking the traditional stereotypes? Women are more independent and self-reliant than they used to be, but if I was in that situation, I would have asked for help from the other person, regardless of gender.